Teaching manners and other life skills
Recently I had the opportunity to speak by phone with writer and podcaster Jennifer L. Scott. The author of the Madame Chic books — “Lessons from Madame Chic: 20 Stylish Secrets I Learned While Living in Paris” was the first — Scott is as delightful a conversationalist as we might expect, witty, thoughtful and easily given to laughter.
She’s also the mother of four children ranging in age from 14 to six, a circumstance that adds weight to her book “Connoisseur Kids: Etiquette, Manners, and Living Well for Parents and Their Little Ones” (Chronicle Books, 2019, 224 pages).
Scott begins her guide by defining connoisseur “as an expert judge in matters of taste.” Her intention in “Connoisseur Kids” is to help children become “experts in the art of living.” Here is a compendium of ideas and suggestions designed to help young ones start their journey toward that destination, with chapters not only on manners, but on such topics as keeping a tidy room, practicing good hygiene and physical fitness and above all else, thinking of others rather than focusing on the self.
Her many suggested activities and crafts, all designed to support these principles, makes Scott’s book a gift basket filled with fun and entertainment. In her advice on giving and receiving gifts, for instance, Scott explains to budding connoisseurs how to make elegant giftwrap from brown shipping paper, ribbons and a potato stamp. In her efforts to encourage children to write thoughtful letters, a fading art in our world of phones, texts and emails, she leads her readers through the entire process, from suggestions as to what to write to an elderly relative to the nuts-and-bolts of addressing an envelope.
Among these projects are simple healthy recipes for children to make for themselves and their families. These run from slow cooker oatmeal and avocado toast to desserts like blueberry frozen yogurt pops and banana ice cream, a treat made entirely from bananas. Kids generally enjoy helping in the kitchen, and Scott provides a vehicle for making that happen.
Adding to the fun of Scott’s book are the sweet, charming illustrations by Clare Owen.
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As mentioned earlier, the chief philosophy behind all civility and good taste is consideration for others, the quintessence of good manners. Scott weaves this philosophy throughout “Connoisseur Kids.” Table manners, communication skills, behavior among family and friends, and so much more: all have to do with etiquette, which boils down to the thoughtfulness we show to those around us.
Scott also addresses certain virtues and their links to etiquette. In the middle of her book, for instance, she adds an addendum to this idea of treating others with respect:
“True integrity is often defined as doing the right thing when no one is looking. We should never do something only because we want to impress other people or get a reward from our parents. We should always act from the kindness of our own heart because it’s the right thing to do. Never ask ‘What can I get out of this situation?’ but rather ‘How can I be of service here?’ A true test is how you act in situations when no one is looking. Do you do the right thing?”
In her conclusion, “The Future of Connoisseur Kids,” Scott also includes two pieces of advice that all of us, kids and adults alike, would do well to keep in mind, that “the most important thing is to have a happy heart” and that “your small actions can change the world for the better.”
If we return to the subtitle of Scott’s book, “Etiquette, Manners, and Living Well for Parents and Their Little Ones,” we note that “Connoisseur Kids” is a shared adventure between children and their parents or other caregivers, to be explored and discussed by young and old alike. It also reminds us that our small actions can add up and help make the world a better place. When we do as Scott suggests, when we “mind our manners,” as people used to say, we are rehabbing civilization. Practicing etiquette, caring for our belongings, and maintaining our health benefits us, yes, but it also improves our family life, our community, and therefore the world.
“Manners maketh man,” that centuries-old adage, means that our manners, the way we behave, the way we treat people, defines who we are, at least in our interactions with others. Though a parallel expression lacks this “m-m-m” alliteration, we might also say “Manners maketh culture.” After all, a culture is founded on an accumulation of individuals, and how those people treat one another will delineate the standards and practices of the culture as a whole. At present, most people would likely agree that American culture could use some lessons in manners. Our social media, some of our music and other entertainments, and even our recent presidential debate reveal a culture in need of some major repairs.
In “Connoisseur Kids” and her other books, Jennifer Scott offers us the tools to begin that rehabilitation job. Teach children the philosophy and practice of manners, and perhaps one day we’ll see a restoration of good manners as well as goodwill in our public square.
A final note: I’ve just ordered four copies of “Connoisseur Kids,” Christmas gifts for each of my children, all of whom have young ones of their own. That’s about as high a recommendation I can make for any book.
(Jeff Minick reviews books and has written four of his own: two novels, “Amanda Bell” and “Dust On Their Wings,” and two works of nonfiction, “Learning As I Go” and “Movies Make the Man.” This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..)
